Do i need access to his phone as proof i can trust him?

By Deji Adenuga – Relationship mentor

Cast your mind back to a time when you felt someone close to you was spending too much time on their phone whenever you are together. This could be a friend, a partner or your spouse. What did you do? Did you feel they were being rude to do so? Did you ever ask them to stop?

Several researches have been conducted on how phones affect many relationships. While some show the positive side which includes partners calling themselves while at work or sending nice text messages to each other to stimulate the relationship, others reveal the dark side which include sexting with a person a partner is cheating with, or developing an addiction for things on the internet.

Many people in a relationship have wondered why their partners spend more time on the phone than they do with them. While some feel spending so much time on the phone is a sign their partner is cheating on them, others think that perhaps having access to their partner’s phone might allay their fears that they are being cheated on.

So what does one do when concerned about their partner’s excessive use of the phone First it is important to know what is happening in your partner’s life at that point in time, as against what was happening in their life previously. There could be a number of things responsible for their excessive telephone habit; like their personality, job or even hobby. Plus, if they have been like that before your became close and you still connected with them in spite of this, then perhaps your insecurity is unwarranted.

It could be that your partner is simply bored, genuinely working on their phone or just one of those who feel the need to check every notification that pops up on their phone. If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about.

If however, you have that constant nudging at the back of your mind that something is wrong, then the first thing to do is ask them straight up why they spend so much time on the phone. If you are unsatisfied with their answer, let them know how you feel about them being on the phone for so long, and ask them to tell you what they intend to do about it to keep your mind at rest. Sometimes, a partner who is not cheating and who really cares about you might suggest they give you the password to their phone to prove they have nothing to hide. While that is not a guarantee that they are ‘not cheating’, it might give you an assurance that they would either be more mindful of the time they spend on whatever they do on the phone, or they might stop it completely if it is not right for your relationship.

Some individuals put a password on, not just access to their phone, but everything in their phone including photos and videos. While this is still not an indication they are cheating, it could be that they are indulging in a bad habit they are trying to hide. You can only be hopeful that it is not a habit that will have an adverse effect or damage your relationship. If that does happen, what your choose to do will be really up to you to decide.

Overall, spending too much time on the phone has it own risk which include cancer risk, influence on our nervous system, headaches, depression, sleep disorder, decreased attention and even shortness of temper. The less the time we spent on the phone, the better for our health and the less tempted we are to indulge, either in cheating with another person through chats, or building bad habits on the internet.